Like many others, I have experienced overwhelm more often than I’d choose.  Those times when all my tasks seem like a mountain to climb instead of just a box to check off.  Many days, I feel like I’m running a race with no finish line in sight. I hear the rushing sounds of the world. The loud voices telling me to DO MORE. DO IT BETTER. WORK HARDER. WORK LONGER. SHINE BRIGHTER. It seems to happen more and more frequently that I hear the voices of the world and not the voice of my Father.  But He hasn’t moved. I moved. I was carried away by the busyness of life and the distractions that work brought, in my quest to reach higher and achieve new goals.. 

In 2022, I moved to Waco, TX, with my husband and our two oldest children. #3, our baby was on the way. We had just moved from our home in North Austin, where we had been for 11 months. This was a time in our lives when my husband was expanding his career, and we were feeling adventurous. Then our last baby surprised us, and we thought it was best to move back closer to family in East Texas. Waco put us only 2 hours from family, rather than the 3.5-hour distance that North Austin put between us. 

I was still working in mortgage as I had been since 2016, and I had high hopes for my impact on Waco. So I got right to work. I made calls, visited title companies, insurance agencies, and realty offices. I joined the local realtor association as an affiliate and even hosted events and giveaways. I posted so many videos, and my corporate marketing team even traveled from Indiana to film some professional, social media commercials for me. I was making the effort and putting in the work. In the 18 months we lived in Waco, I didn’t close a single loan in that area. I was devastated and low on cash for all the things I pursued. In my industry, we work on commission, so no loan closing, no paycheck.  What was wrong with me? Why didn’t anyone like me? Why was God not blessing all my activities? The weight of my perceived failures was crushing to me. I just needed a win and a sliver of hope to keep going. But I was still listening to the louder voices telling me to try harder and do more. 

If you’re wondering why I couldn’t win in Waco, I’m still wondering too. I may never know why He held back the influx of loan closings and client conversations.  If it were only for me to deepen my dependence on Him, to know Him, to hear His voice, then it was a win.

In a world that tells me that I can make it with self-empowerment, tribes, and social media influence, I know that none of that compares to knowing where I stand with my God. I need less self-reliance and more reliance on Him. I need less independence and more dependence on Him. 

Jesus was the best example of reliance on the Father with a quiet life until His ministry began in adulthood.  He knew where His authority and provision were drawn from. He was the man who fasted 40 days in the wilderness, walked on water, raised His friends from the dead, and saw people for who they really were. We have been given so much in Christ. We can silence all the other voices that are pulling at us and begging for our attention because we have the gift of the Holy Spirit, who can drown out all the louder voices with a whisper.

I honestly felt like I was best tested, one blow after another. It’s brutal in the mortgage real estate industry.  People are out for themselves because their paycheck depends on closing deals.  I don’t believe that everyone is like this.  Many of the people I have met in my career, including Waco, are kind and easy to work with. They do put their clients first. But I believed the lies from my enemy that said I wasn’t good enough, every time I met opposition in trying to make friends and connections. No one knew me in Waco.  I was just a stranger with a phone number from out of town. It’s so difficult to get up every day and keep fighting for a win when losses are all you keep getting.

Difficult often feels like a trial, but these trials do not even compare to knowing Him or the glory that awaits us in eternity.

For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:17-18

This passage is speaking to early church believers who were being persecuted, so I tread lightly in saying this is a fair comparison.  But if persecution and death itself were a light and momentary affliction, then I know that hard times in business and struggling to make a difference are an even lighter burden.

What I needed to learn was that my sovereign God holds all the resources in His loving hands.  Nothing I need is ever withheld from me.  If I’m feeling needy, I should turn my heart toward Him and rely on His provisions.  Sometimes we are doing all the right things, and at the end of the toughest days, it just doesn’t feel like enough. That’s true.  I’m never going to be enough. I need Him.

I was pursuing all the wrong things, believing that if I just followed a list of activities, success would follow.  Praise Jesus, I have since been delivered of that lie. Follow Jesus, and peace will follow.  That’s what I have learned.

After 18 months in Waco, my husband received a job offer back home in East Texas that he could not refuse.  I was sad at first.  I felt like I was failing, not one closing in 18 months in Waco.  I was surely failing in my career, and now we were moving and leaving it all behind.  God moved in my heart, and I heard Him clearly.  Do it my way.  Do it with daily prayer. Do it after you are in the Word daily. Focus on Me. Talk to Me before you talk to anyone else.

At that moment, I knew that I was still called to my industry.  Helping people buy homes and secure a dwelling is a dream, and it’s so rewarding.  God was calling me away from all the loud voices telling me to scream all my qualifications and wins on social media and rest in Him. My focus shifted to more conversations, not more closings. I have an excellent opportunity to build relationships with people and share the love of Christ with them through my business. However, posting my every move on social media isn’t always the best way.  It can add to my influence, but it’s no substitute for rich conversations.   

That was my prayer for this year. 
“God, give me more conversations over closings.  I want to influence people and not just add to my bank balance. Partner me with other believers who align with You, too.”

I asked God to specifically partner me with other believers in my industry who also prioritize people over transactions.  He has more than answered my prayer with new people to encourage, pray for, and serve with. These are people who share my faith and understand that God is the giver, and we are just the managers.  We rely on His goodness for everything, even business leads. 

This year, I’ve closed more loans in 4 months than I did in my 18 months in Waco.  I don’t believe this is because of anything I’ve done to earn God’s favor.  I do think that everything happens according to His master plan, and He saw fit to draw me closer to Himself through my experience.

What are the loudest voices in your life saying to you?  Who and what lies do you need to silence with a whisper from the Holy Spirit? Ask Him to grant you clarity and peace over all the noise that drives you in the wrong direction. He is faithful to pull us closer to Himself.

Ardently His,

Jessica