Psalm 23. The LORD is my Shepherd. . . He leads me beside still waters.  

My heart is rarely still, and neither is my mind.  I’m forever thinking of the next thing, the next task, the next, the next, the next.  My checklist never ends.  When I finally sit still at the end of the day, I usually begin to think about anything I didn’t accomplish.  Are there any tasks left undone?  Shouldn’t I be up and doing something until it’s time to go to bed?  I have a lot to learn about being still.  God is so kind and loving to give us what we need.  Always on go, but knowing that I needed to take time to commune with Him, I had to be stopped in my rebellion to see His goodness even through sickness.

Recently, I came down with a mysterious illness.  Flu? No. COVID? No. Mono? Maybe, not sure.  What I do know is that I was fine one day and lying flat on the couch the next.  I was down for two weeks, and I could barely gather the energy to walk to the bathroom, let alone take care of my family. Each day brought on a new symptom, and I did my best to resist the urge to search the internet looking for something to explain all the symptoms.  I have a layman’s knowledge of healthcare, and most of what I was reading only fed into my fears. What was happening to me? 

I was down for a solid two weeks, and if I’m being honest, I still don’t feel like I’m back to normal.  While I was down, watching others do things I usually do was tough.  My husband kept up with as much as possible after work and ensured the kids got everything they needed, but it was hard to remain still and get better. Another blessing arrived when my parents came over and cleaned my house.

One of my strange symptoms was significant swelling in my hands, ankles, and feet.  Nothing irritates me more than things I can’t control.  It’s a significant struggle and area of sanctification for me.  I consistently need my Savior to remind me that He is sovereign and I am not.  Praise Him for that!  The Holy Spirit reminded me of many people on my prayer list during my illness.  I began to understand how they might be feeling on a much lesser scale, and my faith and dependence on Jesus grew through this experience. All the interruptions we see in the stories of Jesus’ life weren’t interruptions but all part of the plan.  He knew how to walk in step with the Spirit.  He knew how to be still and be present with the Father.  He knew when to stop and when to keep going. 

My favorite chapter of the Bible gave me comfort to rest in knowing that my Shepherd was and is always taking care of every single detail of my life.

“The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. 

He makes me lie down in green pastures.

He leads me beside still waters.

He restores my soul.

He leads me in paths of righteousness

for His name’s sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil,

for you are with me;

your rod and your staff,

they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me

in the presence of my enemies;

you anoint my head with oil;

my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me

all the days of my life,

and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD forever.”

Psalm 23

When I stop and think of all the opportunities God gives us to rest, they don’t always show up in the ways that we would imagine.  He built rest into the life of the believer to deepen our trust in Him and offer a way of growing our dependence on Him.  His rest is vital in the life of the believer.  Aren’t we all searching for the elusive life balance?  Aren’t we all working a whole week to find rest at the end? Don’t we schedule rest and relaxation into our weekends and annual vacation planning?  God made the provision of rest and built it into creation at the end of his six-day work of building our natural world.  Why wouldn’t we also seek an identical rest?  Many times, the difference between my rest and God’s holy rest is the intention.  My intentions are often selfish and self-serving.  His intent for our Sabbath rest is daily communion with Him and weekly time for community gathering and worship.  His rest is the best rest.

I can only imagine why He would allow me to go through a time of illness and stillness.  But when I lean into His goodness, I believe that it was to draw me back to Him. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. 

Ardently His,

Jessica

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