Therefore, there is now no condemnation at all for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death. Romans 8:1-2

The second Friday in January. The radio host announced the reality that statistical studies have shown that this is the average date on which the vast majority of Americans fall off of their resolutions. I paused to question if this has been true in my own life and had to acknowledge that it is a pretty accurate timeline for me, or at least it was when I used to make resolutions. Most of mine typically involved health habits…losing holiday weight by eating better, exercising consistently, drinking more water, etc.  And to an extent, I still enjoy the reset that January 1 seems to bring after the holidays. Yet, I have learned that this also has negative consequences if I adopt a stern determination to be resolute. Because I always seem to fail. And with failure comes self-condemnation, remorse, and guilt.

I once did a deep dive study on the Song of Solomon through the lens of the gospel and learned that the opening verse “Let Him kiss me…” doesn’t refer to a romantic kiss. Instead of being the kiss a lover would give, it is the gift a father would give, just like the father gave a kiss to the prodigal son upon his return.  I recall how comforted I felt to come to that understanding, and I hope you feel that same comfort, too. We have received favor from the Father through His Son Jesus, which means there is no more condemnation for us now.  We have favor and are forever guilt-free because of His abundant grace.

I further reflect on this truth in light of our all-too-common resolution-failure condemnation and guilt. If the Father and Son have already given us this grace so abundantly and graciously, why don’t we readily give ourselves the same favor?  Grace over failed resolutions and past mistakes is a huge blessing to the person we are today. Yet, why are we so reluctant to bless ourselves when it can seem so easy to bless others?  And please hear me. I don’t mean blessing ourselves in a self-centered way that gives in to fleshly desires, but instead in a way similar to how Christ blesses us. He blesses by forgiving us of our past. He even blesses for any present or even future sins because His death on the cross abolished ALL of them. It was one death for all sins. And while that should be enough (and most certainly is), He also blesses us with other gifts and graces. And a big part of this is simply the kindness He bestows towards us in our failures. And if God can show us such kindness, why do we sometimes struggle with extending such kind-heartedness to ourselves inwardly? It’s such an incredible blessing when we extend our current self, grace, and our future self, kindness. So why don’t we do this more?

I think part of the reason is that we don’t recognize the benefit of this or how broad this blanket of goodness to ourselves can be. We are much quicker to look at the loss of whatever it is we failed to achieve as if winning were the ultimate goal. But our lives are not about our own achievements. Instead, if we are Christian, our lives are about becoming more like the One in whose image we are created. And that involves surrendering to allow the Holy Spirit to sanctify us more into Christ’s image which means I should be responding more and more like Him in both grace and kindness. In that, there is great gain, both spiritually and mentally.

I pause to reflect more on specific ways I can be kinder to myself. Not only can I practice forgiveness of self, but I can also practice proactive kindness. I’m reminded of this as I clean off my bathroom counter. While my husband is almost OCD about neatness and organization, I, on the other hand, am not. I am frequently rushed when getting dressed and often find myself frustrated that I can’t find the particular earrings or necklace I want to wear. Why can’t I find these things? Because I rarely take the time to put them in their proper place when I take them off. There is really no excuse, as I have a large door-mounted jewelry box just steps away from me in my bathroom, yet the jewelry never seems to make it back home. So I end up scrambling to find it, which takes much more time than if I would have put it up in the first place.  Taking care of our future self and blessing her is taking the time now to save her time later, which can positively affect her future mood and whether she is reflecting Christ to the world around her.

The same is true for far more than our organizational skills. Our diets can do much the same thing.  Ever splurge on that cheesecake only to regret it later? Favor can work with this also if we choose in the moment to bless our future self by only having three bites…or perhaps in eating all of it, but having our future self give favor to the girl who decided to eat the whole thing.  The point is, if God can grant us that much favor, who are we to deny ourselves the favor that He’s already given? When we fail to allow for this, we not only are not honoring God and His sacrifice and love for us, but we also are distracted in our focus. What could I be doing instead of stressing to find that misplaced item or beating myself up over my eating habits?  Couldn’t I instead be praying up my inadequacies, asking for His strengthening in my weaknesses? Or better yet, couldn’t I be reflecting more of His light and glorifying Him more even if no one is watching? Because the reality is that we usually don’t just have a single moment of disfavor in ourselves and then move on to bright, shiny new joy.  Instead, we usually carry it with us. It follows us to work or school, into our churches, into our social interactions, and even into our bedrooms, causing us sleepless nights.

So today, if you are in the place feeling any self-condemnation, remorse, or guilt, make a new determination to take off the old self who would have beaten herself up over failures or bad decisions and put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. Join me in making the choice to give ourselves the much-needed favor that is perhaps undeserved but mirrors that which the Father and His Son Jesus have already given us. Choose with me to give yourself grace in any current resolution failures while at the same time giving your future self much-appreciated kindness in the little things that will make such a difference later. The difference will go beyond thanking yourself that you proactively made life a bit smoother for yourself to the abundantly greater good that happens when you are no longer distracted by self and can focus on what and Who really matters.

Ardently His,

Leah

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