I will give thanks to you, LORD, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds. Psalm 9:1

Every autumn since 2012, a familiar veil of sadness descends upon my heart. Fall was my mother’s favorite season. For over 25 years, each September brought fresh joy with the arrival of cooler weather and our cherished traditional plans for the upcoming holidays. She loved this time of year, and I cherished the joy we shared as we embraced the changing leaves and cooler winds together with the autumn colors adorning new décor everywhere with pumpkins and the warm scent of apple cider. With the excitement of the upcoming celebration of Christ’s birth around the corner, we would blissfully shop and share many joyful moments together. Among our favorites was Hobby Lobby, and she seemed to have a sense of childlike delight each time we visited that place together. Those moments are forever etched in my mind with a plethora of memories marking that past warm season of happiness and connectedness.

Then it happened…in September of all months. The call came in unexpectedly that Mom had experienced a sudden cardiac arrest and was being brought to the hospital with CPR in progress. In an instant, she was gone. It was a dreary autumn that year, with shades of grey replacing the warm colors of golden yellow, vibrant orange, and auburn. I’d love to say that the years to follow welcomed the return of autumn and all that this season once meant, but if I’m being honest, it hasn’t…at least not in the way it was before. There has been a recurrent ache in my heart each year when the leaves begin to change and fall naturally and commercially emerges. Just stepping into Hobby Lobby by myself to grab just one thing seems to trigger a recurrent flood of emotion. And so I’ve stopped going there this time of year unless my sister is with me. She is my familiar. She is still here in the flesh and shares many of my memories. So being with her in this store somehow makes the unbearable bearable.

But that’s just about a store. In the bigger picture, it is really only Christ who makes the unbearable bearable. And in His great kindness and love towards me, He has brought me to a place of gratitude and has allowed me to see the reality of fullness in my life rather than the emptiness that wants to captivate my soul this time of year. After all, didn’t He break bread with gratitude just before His own body was broken on the cross? He brings me to this place every Thanksgiving, and I am so grateful. I can give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; His faithful love endures forever (Psalm 106:1).  In my flesh, my focus has been prone to wander to my lack and what (or rather who) is missing at the dawn of this season. Yet, He gets my recurring brokenness and is ever faithful to meet me in this place year after year, never tiring of wiping away my tears. He beckons me to look beyond what is lacking in my life.

Because of His brokenness on the cross, I am reminded of a new perspective in light of the abundance His willingness provided. He transforms my view from monochrome to the beauty of what lies ahead and all that I can embrace today with joy. Eternity awaits, and with each passing year, I am one year closer to the everlasting, a place where there is no lack and certainly no tears. I’m reminded that my mother and I are merely separated temporarily; our absence from one another is just a brief moment in time. The longing and missing her is merely a testament to the gift of her love that I was given on earth—a love that has not ceased to exist for even a second since she departed. I embrace the reality that this gift was not just a fleeting experience but is, in fact, eternal. With a change in perspective and acknowledgment of the reality that death truly has no victory, my monochrome vision returns to beautiful golden shades of autumn again as I see through Christ’s eyes, and the dawn changes to midday with the Son shining above me.

My tears turn to tears of gratitude as I look around in this place of renewed perspective. There is nothing left to be seen as a lack, but instead so much overflowing abundance in my Savior. I remember the gratitude journal I started over ten years ago after being challenged to do so by Ann Voskamp in her book One Thousand Gifts. I continue from where I left off…

1456. The gift of eternity in the present. 

1457. The knowledge that I will join my mother in that place and will never be parted again. 

1458. Even greater…the fact that I will see Jesus face-to-face there! 

1459. Knowing that I never walk through this life alone; until I can be with Him forever in eternity, He is with me here on earth through all my joys and struggles. 

1460. God guiding our family to a place of healing and health after a year filled with illness, major surgery, and loss. 

1461. An endearing, cherished sister who shares my tears and the sweet anticipation of seeing our parents and older sister again someday. 

1462. The joy of serving my husband and being deeply loved by him. 

1463. Long conversations with my daughter as she navigates life as a young adult. 

1464. Time spent with our sons and the wonderful wives God has provided them. 

1465. Being Nana to our precious Sara in the here and now…and knowing I’ll also be Nana to our Isaiah in eternity.

1466. An amazing group of women with whom to share life and this ministry. 

1467. Celebrating with family this week, giving thanks for all that God has provided us. 

1468. The little things, like the golden glow of sunlight filtering through amber leaves. 

1469. Coffee with friends to share how Jesus has met us in our circumstances. 

1470. The joy of capturing stories about His ardent love, each one taking my breath away with the testimony of His enduring faithfulness. 

1471. Knowing there will be so many more gifts on this list in 2025 and beyond because His abundance never ceases.

I breathe in deep this morning with a warm, overflowing heart as I look forward to more time with God today. No lack, only fullness. There is no longer a hole in my heart, but instead, my heart is abundantly whole as He fills it, overflowing with Himself and His promises to me as His child.

I pray you will experience the same as you seek Him, come to know Him more, learn to Trust Him, and experience all of the ardent love He lavishes upon you. If you have never considered keeping a gratitude journal, I strongly encourage you to do so. It is as easy as listing the simple gifts and graces you encounter each and every day that you might have overlooked if your focus is too much on your circumstances. This is a way of seeing abundance instead of lack through the lens of Christ because there is always something to be thankful for despite any situation or season in your life. May you be blessed this Thanksgiving season…not with things of this earth that perish…but with His presence and a clearer vision of things that are above, surrendering monochrome vision in exchange for the eyes of Christ to see the eternal things that you have already have in abundance if you are a Child of God.

Ardently His,

Leah

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