There I was, bending over for the fifth or sixth time that day, sweeping up crumbs and picking up food mess. The highchair was in a state of sticky mess, unmatched by any other human eating experience. The disaster area I found myself in was the result of the most recent evening meal. I am heavily prone to multitasking. As one child finishes a meal, into the bath they go while the next one polishes his or her plate. Then, off to the laundry room, I tossed cleaning rags in the wash. I remembered the towels needed to be spun in the dryer again. My phone dings. Did I forget to call that client back? Back to the kitchen. . . where is all of this food coming from? There’s now more on the floor than was initially on plates. Doesn’t my family know how hard I work to keep a clean house? Under deep breaths and heavy sighs, frustration exited my body through my lungs.

God, why is this so hard? Why can’t we just sit in peace for a meal and enjoy conversation? Why is it always so loud in here? One day, it will be so much quieter.

Crumbs and leftovers are evidence of My grace and your abundant life. Instead of being frustrated, give thanks.

This was the conversation I had with Holy Spirit just this week. Again, He was gently reminding me that my blessings often feel like burdens because I am not practicing gratitude. There was a time when I longed to hold a baby of my own. And today, I’m walking out my life of answered prayers. Some of those prayers were a resounding, “YES!” Others were met with, “Wait child,” or “No, that’s not my best for you.” Still, all my prayers have been answered with an outpouring of grace.

Too often, I find myself longing for my children’s bedtime so that I can hear my own thoughts and relish the silence. That’s exactly how the enemy wants us to treat our blessings – like burdens. Instead of a calling, it becomes a chore. Instead of an opportunity to be identified with Christ in serving others, it becomes an annoyance and longing for “me time.” My exhaustion will never match my Savior’s exhaustion He experienced in His life and on the cross. Still, it’s not a competition between those who have experienced more frustration and exhaustion – I would never win that competition. His Word says that I can take comfort in my High Priest, who sympathizes with my weaknesses. And because of that and all the work He has done for our redemption, we can draw close to Him and approach His throne of grace, confidently knowing that he will help us. (Hebrews 4:14-16)

Too often, I find myself seeking comfort and rest. Rest in time spent alone, whether running errands uninhibited by small children or cleaning house with no one running behind me, scattering more things to be picked up, sorted, and put back into place. Rest in watching mindless TV, shopping, or cooking a meal without a million questions that need to be answered by young, inquiring minds. Rest while working in silence and making phone calls without having to stop and change a diaper or open a snack multiple times a day. But this isn’t the rest I need most, and it won’t truly satisfy my soul. It only leads to self-gratification and stirs my heart to take pride in all I can accomplish. When we zoom out and read the preceding verses in Hebrews 4, the writer reminds us that true rest is found in Him. As the Psalmist wrote (Ps. 46:10), we can cease striving because He is our rest, and everything He has promised us will be fulfilled. The chapter starts with eternal rest but later mentions a Sabbath rest we can experience now.

God Himself established the Sabbath rest by modeling it immediately after finishing the creation of the world. My mind is confounded when I try to envision the day when the Trinity rested. God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit, all resting together and enjoying each other and the fruits of their labor. It is tough for the human mind to imagine how the God who never sleeps would interact with the concept of rest. The Hebrew word used for rest in Genesis 2 is ‘sabat’, translated as to cease or celebrate. That may be easier for us to visualize – God celebrated His creation because His work was good, and He rested from His work. Did they dance and sing? Did they grin at how high the eagle could fly and how fast the cheetah could run? Did they congratulate one another on the epic teamwork? God the Father spoke, Jesus the Son fulfilled the commands, and God the Spirit approved and sustained each idea as it became spoken word and ultimately physical creation. In Him, all things hold together. . . (Colossians 1:17)

When I pause to be mindful of all the work God has done in my life, all the ways He has blessed me so abundantly, it should cause me to celebrate Him and posture my heart towards Him with gratitude and not with complaining about how tired I am at the end of the day from taking care of His blessings. How easy it is to talk to God about all that’s going wrong and never mention all that is going right! How heavy my heart is on the most challenging days when nothing goes my way, when all I need to ask is if things are going His way. After all, even in my life, doesn’t He hold all things together?

I must seek Him to posture my heart and mind towards Christ in a way that makes me delight in Him as the Bread of Life rather than focusing on the crumbs and leftover messes. May all that He has entrusted me to steward be a reason to see His goodness and provision. There has never been a moment when Jesus was not faithful enough to draw me to Himself. I need His forgiveness for my stubborn heart, which is too quick to see my calling as obstacles and frustrations instead of reminders of the ever-available strength, nourishment, and sustaining He provides in each moment of my weakness.

Ardently His,
Jessica